| Perhaps you decided to read this article because you asked,”How can children have stress? All they have to do is go to school, play, eat and sleep”. |
John Styffe reveals that he felt the same way — until he started helping children who have attention and concentration problems. In the course of his work he found that many if not most of the children with such problems suffered from stress (either stress related to the inability to perform at school or attention problems caused by stress itself)- He shares some of his insights with us here.
Children may not suffer from the stressors that adults know, but their stress can be as intense if not more intense.
Kidspoll
Last month a poll was taken by an organisation in the USA called KidsHealth. KidsHealth is the largest and most visited site on the Web providing doctor-approved health information about children from the prenatal period up to adolescence. The Kidspoll, as it is called, involved 875 children ages 9 to 13. There were some extremely interesting results.
The poll indicated that 36% of the children tell that school created the most stress, 32% identified family as cause, and 21% specified friends or peers.
The most important information revealed how children relieved the stress:
. 52% play or do something active
. 44% listen to music
. 42% watch TV or play a video game
How does your child deal with stress?
30% talk to a friend 29% iry not to think about it 28% try to work things out 26% eat something 23% lose their temper 22% talk to a parent 11% cry
Even more alarming was that 25% hurt themselves either
by banging their heads or bumping themselves against walls and objects. The article did not mention the children who attempt to release stress by cutting themselves, pulling their hair or consuming alcohol and/or drugs -an urea in which 1 have a great deal of interest and experience.
So what is stress? • ;
Although 1 often hear this word referred to by both adults and children, most people do not really know what it is, how it can affect us or how we can deal with it.
Stress is how we react to a stressor (something that causes mental or emotional strain or tension). Anything or anybody can be a stressor. It is how we react to that stressor that is vital. Technically speaking there is the flight or fight response of the autonomic nervous system. If we are confronted by a stressor, our mind and body automatically prepare for the action. Our hands get cold as the muscles tense, thus restricting blood flow; our heart rate increases: respiration increases; our stomach stops digesting; and. our whole body tenses. Once we see that the emergency is over our body returns to its normal slate.
Warning signals
Some stress is in fact healthy because it makes us more alert. The problem arises when we do not go back to a normal state and are relentlessly on alert. Our bodies arc constantly prepared for fight or flight. We are tense, have stomach, concentration and sleep problems, eventually leading to troubles such as neck- and backaches. clenched jaws, skin problems, headaches, depression, etc. If (his happens to a child, this is when parents decide that to find out what is wrong and the diagnosis is usually some disorder or another.
The child is then referred to a therapist or brought to someone like me to ‘fix’ the problem. I usually conduct an assessment during which I ask a lot of questions. I did such an evaluation with a family and their 11-year daughter one Sunday morning. On the following Wednesday the therapist who referred the family lo me commented how well the girl was doing. I was surprised, as all that I did was ask questions – but then I remembered that I had talked about breathing and the girl went home and practiced the techniques that I had taught her. Within a few days her behavior and school performance had improved.
Self management
A common thread in my conversations with children is their use of the phrases, “have to”. “need to” or “should”. I often ask what they want and often they cannot answer the question. A lot of demands are put on children by school, parents and peers and many feel overwhelmed when they cannot live up lo expectations.
In my work I help children to become more relaxed and to become appropriately focused. However, at home they often become stressed once again because the parents themselves are stressed. Parents hurriedly drop off their children and then hurriedly pick them up. I refer to this as ‘therapy pick-up and drop-off stress. If 1 gently present the parents with the fact that they themselves may have an issue, they often ‘run away’ because they do not want to be blamed for not being the perfect parent or are not ready to confront themselves and their own issues. •’•
The diagnosis of a ‘disorder’ is often used as an excuse by parents. We end up blaming our children: “S/hc was the problem, not me”. For me, the most difficult and most frustrating part of working with children is — the parents. As mentioned, often they drop off their children al someone’s practice and expect the therapist lo ‘fix’ them. I do not fix people. I help people, including children, to learn how 10 help themselves, What 1 do is not magic and it involves no pills. It is all about learning.
Parental involvement
Some parents really do get involved and make the effort lo change themselves. As a result they have a positive and calming affect on their families. This is the reward!
What can we immediately do to help our children to de-stress? We can listen lo them, stop trying lo live their lives, give them more time for play, try to understand them, make lime for them, encourage them rather than tell them where they have gone wrong, love them unconditionally and. above all, work on ourselves – on our own personal development and our development as a parent.
The New Stork Times
2005
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